Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Sexually promiscious driver onboard