A topic about personality.

Over the path few months I've watched myself get more confident with women.. First it was getting #'s, then getting more confident to ask for dates, then dealing with dates that flaked, then realizing that with DOZENS of women I'd build attraction through text etc and they would love it only to find them showing hesitation when it came to meeting up.

Lately I've been reading some great books that are not so much PUA like.. they are more like acting more manly and direct, not supplicating as much, using the telephone more than relying on texting etc.. Since I've been targeting some older women 35+ I realize they like a more confident, mature approach, and a lot of my texts were coming off as immature although they worked getting responses. It seems my age of 46 doesn't suit too much texting.

Anyways getting back to the point of this discussion, I'm learning now to become slowly more alpha... but what I've noticed is that this happens in stages.. At first I hated myself because I felt taking alpha roles was placing me in a positon of combat.. I was little at war with women in my mind... Sure I'd control my personality when with them but as I read more alpha books I would because more arseholish.. This is not true alpha bit it is the first stage..

I think part of it has to do with resentment, feeling used during your beta years, etc and wanting to quickly make up by changing gears. Yet this change takes time.

First its aggression and asshole behavior to me, then its more confidence and controlled behavior depending on the situation, the woman, and the environment. It seems this is a learning curve that can't be achieved by just reading books on game.. It is quite hard to relax when you're trying to be alpha at first. But relaxation and choice of techniques while maintaining alpha status without seeming arrogant or assholish is paramount to success.

Stage 1 : unconscious incompetence. Aggression , resentment, assholish behavior as opposed to alpha
Stage 2: conscious incompetence.. I realize I need to work on my behavior but at least I'm aware of it
Stage 3: conscious competence.. I realize I am finding how to handle myself and women but I still need to think out my behavior
Stage 4: unconscious competence... I am not thinking of being competent I just become it. Seamlessly and with ease.

I figure 90% of men on this board (not pointing fingers) are beta. 10% are alpha , but even of those 10% many are caught in one of the early stages above.

So where do you fit in your journey in becoming alpha? And moreso what are your methods of relaxing and carrying out plans without all the hurt, resentment, etc of past failures? Have you written down your goals to create lasting progress and change? Weekly, monthly, yearly goals? Can you carry out alpha traits while maintaining humor at the same time.. Humor is said to be #1 quality women look for in men.

I think some men who consider themselves alpha even after 10 years are still in stage 1. and others progress to stage 4 much faster...

This is where game meets confidence. And no I'm not talking about being a PUA but a great seducer.

Just some food for thought... I'd like to hear your feedback.

I don't find myself to be an Alpha or Beta really, I find the connotation of an Alpha is a leader generally speaking and someone that is beta is a follower and more so when it comes to women.
I'm not Alpha in the sense that I'm out there and looking to get dates and fuck a bunch of women or even act like a leader because I'm not in some senses. I'm very confident and won't let myself get talked down to but I'm not Alpha to many men's standards here. I lead in many different aspects of my life including socially because I'm very out there. However many people here find that you are P-whipped if you believe in a monogamous relationship and don't want to get other women while also 'dating'; that's just one aspect I don't understand.

Thanks for your thoughts dsouza

I believe it to be a lifetime journey and in different aspect of life.

A person alpha in business may not be in alpha approaching girls. He may not be alpha in social but great in relationship. I think PUA have limiting definition of alpha. Not covering every aspect of.

One can find alpha everywhere. It is just people doing what they feel and taking the risk. It is winning over your fears.

Also, when a person is in his life. There are man who were very alpha initially. They make a mistake or loose someone or bad health which put them into states where they can not act like alpha.

You can relate confidence to alpha but it varies everyday. One day, you are feeling bad and not able to lead or call someone. You are not beta for doing that.

Also, a circumstances changes all the time.

I'm beginning to think Alpha is really just a state of mind.. It has nothing to do with your dick. A famous porn star maybe alpha, so is the Pope.

Alpha applies to all kinds of industries, from business, to fitness, to sports, to seduction.. I know I've missed mentioning plenty of others.

It simply means being a leader and not a follower in my mind. All alpha's possess this trait.

Does that mean beta men are somehow LESS? Some food for thought.

Knock'em dead!

The Alpha Male isn’t afraid to stand alone or stand out from the rest. He does what he wants, when he wants and others always follow. He is not afraid to take chances or push things to the extreme when others won’t. His wild side makes him exciting, adventurous to the point that he is never boring.

With their masculinity, independence, confidence and strength they reek of sex appeal making women want to mate with them in order to produce offspring even though they don’t know this is why at the time. The Bad Boy’s and the Alpha Males are aphrodisiac’s for females. The feeling of power that a woman gets by being with them makes them feel stronger or better about themselves.

The moral of the story is that you don’t necessarily need to be an Alpha Male in order to attract women, but men do need to posses at least a few of their qualities such as being sure of who you are, where you’re going, and do everything for a purpose. This will expel confidence making Beta men more attractive to either Beta or Alpha women.

" He does what he wants, when he wants and others always follow."

Just disagree with the bold part. The alpha doesn't care about the following. Though, according to most of the study, people will always follow man with a vision and purpose. Still, alpha man may be followed or may not be.

I seriously think , we need to define alpha male properly. It is overused term.

"Never be the first to speak, it shows you have ego", says a father to a son.

"Losers call it ego, Winners call it confidence", says another father to a son.

I strongly believe beta and alpha traits can be passed on through how we're raised.

It's hard to say how much % of being ALPHA/BETA is determined by the time we reach 18 year's of age but I think a lot of us are already 80% there depending on how we're raised and what we went through when younger (i.e. the schoolyard stud, the guy being bullied, Sexual Virility, Good Vs Bad Health etc) .

How much % do we hold in our hands to CHANGE our lives as we age? Can someone 98% beta and 2 % alpha at 18 become 98% alpha and 2 % beta at 50? Are some men just BORN shy?

I can agree with the four stages, I was at stage one for such a long time. I must say my divorce was painful,but it shocked my system like it needed to be shocked. I have moved from one to three.

Now as for me I'm a quite alpha at work, when there is a problem people look to me. When we have a meeting I don't speak first I actually think out the problems 1st and find out how to fix them. Most of the people in my team will argue among themselves, to figure something out. Then after they have tired themselves out I feel the eyes on me for a solution.

When I'm out my friends ask where I want to eat 1st they are all deferring to me. My friends are military so that says something about the way I must project myself. The funny thing is I'm one of the most laid back people, I don't force my will on people because I don't have to.

I think the big difference between alphas and betas is alphas give you their opinion and stand their ground. With betas they will go with any idea besides their own, they have no backbone, women can sense this a mile away.

Now there's are times where I really don't care someone asks to my opinion and I say do what you want. I don't think this is beta behavior.

I learned a while back being alpha is not about being domineering in everything, but dominat in some areas.

Im an intovert by nature it takes 5 shots of crown to pull me out. Once the "real"'me comes out you would have thought I was a different person. I personally don't like most people, I think they are shallow, and lack the depth to which most humans should aspire to be.

good point about people being shallow, they may seem strong and happy but they are miserable just like everybody else

the term alpha is overrated in some countries by people who wanted to make it to the million $
by publishing how to be alpha books

you need no book to be alpha, it just needs to take the positive path of your life
and make decisions and accomplish things that will make you confident later

I've been using an alpha training sub from Shannon the past year or so now. And I've grown exponentially since starting it.

I'm not going to get into details, but it's your basic signs of alphaness that have developed for me. More friends, more respect at work, more worrying about my future, better socializing, etc etc.

It's hard to explain to co-workers how I get so many people to like me (+ mones), with my current personality it's great. pro tip: invite people out to do things because no one likes being the initiator.