For those of you who like to avoid confrontation, what do you usually say when another guy tries to flirt or pick up your date/gf in front of you?

This has happened to me on several occasions.. Most of the time i'm with my SO and she just ignores them and we walk away but when i'm with new women I'm starting to wonder what to do.

It may be beta to fight back, its also beta to get walked over..

What are your methods of dealing with such men? And no this doesn't just happen in bars/nightclubs.

dsouza

(08-06-2015 9:33 PM)dsouza Wrote:  For those of you who like to avoid confrontation, what do you usually say when another guy tries to flirt or pick up your date/gf in front of you?

This has happened to me on several occasions.. Most of the time i'm with my SO and she just ignores them and we walk away but when i'm with new women I'm starting to wonder what to do.

It may be beta to fight back, its also beta to get walked over..

What are your methods of dealing with such men? And no this doesn't just happen in bars/nightclubs.

dsouza

This may sound extreme, but the first thing you should do when going out, is look for the best possible weapon, weather it be a glass ashtray, bar stool or any other instrument, that way you're never caught off guard.

But to your point, it's probably best to just say, "She's with me."

Seriously, do they KNOW you are with her and dgaf? If so you'll have to shut them down!
But if they DON'T realize, it's fine. No disrespect intended.

Now If your girl is flirting back, you can't take her seriously... She's proving to be easy prey! I'm not fighting over no woman!

But yeah, if the guys are just disrespecting you while you are next to her, with no regard for you, you're gonna have to Kick ass! Alphas kick ass!

(08-06-2015 9:33 PM)dsouza Wrote:  For those of you who like to avoid confrontation, what do you usually say when another guy tries to flirt or pick up your date/gf in front of you?

This has happened to me on several occasions.. Most of the time i'm with my SO and she just ignores them and we walk away but when i'm with new women I'm starting to wonder what to do.

It may be beta to fight back, its also beta to get walked over..

What are your methods of dealing with such men? And no this doesn't just happen in bars/nightclubs.

dsouza

Well, being married to a woman I have always trusted implicitly (deservedly, so - she's a loyal Taurus), I don't even have to worry about it - she handles it herself. She teases them with her flirtatious smile, then wiggles her wedding ring. One time a guy tried to kiss her at a bar after she'd already said she was married and she about decked him (wish I'd been there for that). But I digress...

If I were to date again and some dude hit on my girl - it'd depend on the severity of it. It also really depends on her. Does she like to stand up for herself, does she expect a man to stand up for her, does she like the attention but needs you to be self-assured and not react? Does she expect you to say something, but then walk away?

You could always say to her, "Hey, I need to talk to you real quick," then just lead her away and not go back. But, I think I'd just call it out. "Hey man, I was curious...are you actually hittin' on my girl right now?" If he says no in a smart-ass way, I'd say, "Good, 'cuz I'd hate for you to waste your time." Maybe the dude didn't intend to flirt, it's just the way he is, and he'll apologize. Or maybe you'll spark a fight, and you'll have to walk away or step up. If there's no imminent fisticuffs but the dude is a jack-hole (and your girl will play along), I'd turn to her and say, "How do you feel about this guy hitting on you?" and then let her make the other guy feel like a douche.

Just a few ideas.

1. Laugh loudly in the guy's face and then lovingly lead your woman away.

2. Ask the guy, "are you ALWAYS this insecure or just around me?" then lovingly lead your woman away.

3. Treat the guy as transparent and lovingly lead your woman away.

Choose as appropriate.

A dangerous question to answer well. The simple truth is if you engage aggressively you need to be prepared. I recently read that more people die here in Texas due to Bar fights then anywhere else in the country. The only time I have ever touched someone under those circumstances is when he actually grabbed my wife (then fiancé). I gave him a parrot shot to the throat, applied an arm bar and instructed the bouncer to call the police. My fiancé filed assault charges and had him arrested.

Other then that single occasion I've simply stood at my wife's side and let her handle it with the understanding that if the gentleman in question actually touched her I would respond with measure force based on the severity. If your not reasonably well versed in self protection then let a bouncer deal with it, if you have no other choice step in with your hands out stretched to your sides like your trying to defuse things and then head butt the MFer.

If you've got the right gal she'll handle it for you unless the guy is actually looking for a fight with you. If that is the fact you need to either say nothing (legally very risky unless you have clear cause for action in defense of you or SO/wife) or as RussianWolf said you need to be very aware of your surroundings and try to verbally disengage while looking for a way out or a weapon. Realize some people go out looking to get lucky...others go out looking for a reason to get mean.

In Longer relationships that I have been in ive observed the women usually stand up in those situations and tell the guy off for you (if not, question your relationship lmao). But with women that im more recent with on multiple occasions THEY WOULD LOOK AT ME to see what I would do first like it is some kind of an external shit-test. When this happens I just give her unphased piercing eye contact. Usually when doing this to them they would jump and tell the guys off herself right quick.

On one occasion a recent actually started flirting back to the guy, again I gave her that look and she continued anyways, so I just walked away and started dancing with other girls and her friends all while completely ignoring her. She got hella clingy afterwards and annoying so it worked pretty well lmao. Just dont let her see that it effects you one bit imo.

I think when it comes to dating logistics is very important. Like where you bring her out to. I honestly would never bring a date out to a club. That's like bringing a sheep to the wolves den. That's the best way to avoid situations where your date could get hit on by other guys when your out with her even if the situation does happen if its not in a club setting it would usually be more awkward for the approacher and therefore easier to diffuse.

If the guy got game and got enough balls to come up and hit on your girl in front of you. Then it depends on if the guy is doing direct game, or indirect game. Cause a guy can walk up to you and your girl and indrectly start a conversation before slowly easing into hitting on your girl. Or there is the guy that comes in straight up disrespectful and use direct game on your girl in front of you. There are proper reactions to each situation.

If he uses indirect game then you most indirectly diffuse him. If he uses direct game then you most directly confront him. There is no beta'ing when it comes to this. I rarely have my girls get hit on in front of me because i usually plan my dates so that i limit possibilities like that from happening. If they do get hit on it's usually indirectly because only in a club or bar setting have i ever seen a guy use direct game on a girl with another guy. Direct game guys are easier to diffuse then indirect game guys because usually a guy using direct game on your girl in front of you most of the time has no real social aptitude at all or most of the time a complete jerk that turns girls off. Those usually self-destruct before you even have to react but if you do have to react all you have to do is, be direct and honest. Just be like hey buddy have some respect she's with me and then take your girl by the hand and just start walking away. You can look at the guy with a sense of amusement like lets see what you can do. Then look at your girl like you guys have a hidden joke while he's trying to hit on her. The important thing is take eye-contact from your girl away from him to you.

The scary ones are the ones that come in indirectly and then try to slowly hit on your girl.. Those guys you most be more careful of diffusing because they are already showing a level of social intelligence. That means that you either have to find reasons to get your girl away from him. You can join in on the indirect conversation and give your opinion about it. Also try to get eye-contact of your girl away from him to you. So he can be talking to your girl, but your girl is looking at you.

I've been in a Long Term Relationship for some years, but the one thing I know you should not do is loose your cool.
That used to be my problem. I'd immediately explode, looking for a bottle or some weapon. My voice would quaver and I'd start breathing hard. Not from fear but rage. Later I learned to calm my emotions right down. Now I've been in altercations when the missus was around before and while she never complained I could tell she didn't like it. Recently (maybe a year ago) a guy was around us being a regular jerk. I remained calm. My stance did not shift and I kept my breathing full, slow and deep. I smiled and looked directly in his eyes. He backed off but remained in range. I then loudly called for the bartender to give me the check, musing out loud that the quality clientele was going down. When we got into the cab, honey snuggled close and whispered she loved me. Keeping my cool helped a lot.

You all make valid points!

I remember I was meeting up with my girl on the train, and was on the phone with her at the same time I as crossing from car to car to get to the one she was in.
At the same time she was on the phone with me, she was surrounded by 3 guys (definite thugs) All trying to hit on her. One sitting next to her, one standing on the side, the other directly across.

I came in and figured out what was going on as she was talking and looking uncomfortable. I stood directly in front of the guy sitting next to her. He got upset, and just like immature tough guys like to be, he says, "you want to sit down? Because you're standing really close and blocking me!" (obviously trying to impress) I tell him, "no thanks, I'm young, I can stand"... Then I set my bag right in front of my girl's legs. The guys seem to be getting more and more upset. And the one gets out of his seat, and I immediately take the seat next to my girl. I then put my hands around her, in which they all looked in surprise and said out loud, "OH.. THAT'S his girl!! Lol
So they figured it out and I was actually thinking in my head, "(sigh) that was close". Because they were really getting upset, but I was being diplomatic and a smart-ass at the same time, but kept cool.