http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-...nds,11473/

There is no escape!
You can only blast your way out, and like Rambo never look back at the big fireball you have left behind.

(04-11-2012 3:23 AM)Pheroman Wrote:  There is no escape!

Guys, I'm going to go against established forum wisdom here. I believe that the friend zone, while it is a formidable opponent, is still largely a prison of our own creation. We talk it up to be a hulking Goliath, the ultimate cock-block. In reality, it may be nothing more than a feeble mouse. Our biggest enemy is our own minds making mountains out of molehills.

There are secret exits out of this prison. You just need to recognise them for what they are. Let me tell you what happened to me once, long ago.

Years ago, I was in this fantastic friendship with a girl. We had known each other for years and had grown as close as men and women could possibly get. So many times, I looked at her, wondering. She would look at me. We would both then look away, the moment would be forgotten and we were right back in the friend zone where we started.

She then met the archetypal bad boy, fell in love with him and eventually got married. I was happy for her. There was no jealousy - we were just good friends. Two weeks after the wedding, she comes running back, crying, and blurts out that she was in love with me and has been for years.

I was angry, dismayed and sad. She chose one hell of a time to admit it. That's when Cupid's arrow hit me too. We couldn't do anything about it at that point. We ended up having a furious argument and broke up.

Some years later, we met up by accident. Emotions had cooled to cold, dead ashes by then and we were able to talk about it, forensically dissecting the relationship and figuring out what went wrong and when. She admitted that she caught all those glances and was wondering if I felt for her what she felt for me. She would then abandon that train of thought, not wanting to ruin a fantastic friendship. I admitted the same.

She then admitted that if I had said something, things might be very different now. She was scared of ruining things and so was I. But at the same time, we were both hopeful. Fear won out.

The point is that you build these doors into the prison, but you must recognise them for what they are, open one of them and walk through.

I was young, naive and hopeless back then. I didn't know half the things I do now. You have to grow a pair and walk through one of those many doors. The friend zone is not half as formidable an opponent as you think it is.

Musk

What a fantastic story and a great post, Musk.

Thanks for posting.

@PQ, ROFLMAO. Especially at the last part of the article.

@ Muskcloud,, Totally true, friendship makes lots of doors, just gotta open them.

Great story, and also a cautionary tale about the danger of treating an abstraction ('the friend zone') as if it were more real than the situation itself.

I suggest that there is a distinction between a kind of co-ordination problem where she is attracted to you and genuinely is concerned not to lose the friendship, and the situation described in the Onion article. The latter is very frequent, the former rare. Which is not to say that certain more manipulative ones do not speak of the latter as if it were the former.

Unfortunately I have heard that too many times.
"If only you had said something"
"If only you wouldve come and rescue me from big bad asshole"
"Where were you when I needed you"
etc etc

I agree it not an unbeatable opponent, but you have to light the fuse, ie make it clear what you want.
But it will most be exactly that, a fuse that will spark a huge explosion which you must be ready to run away from once you light that fuse.
But there is no choice than to light that fuse.

You can always put it out there by saying stuff like Have you ever thought about us being together? Or if that is too bold for you, you could say people always think we are a couple when we go out and wait for a response. I have been asked both of those by guy friends and used them myself to gauge feelings. You can tell a lot by the reaction you get and if it's too awkward you can laugh and make a joke out of it.

(04-11-2012 9:09 AM)halo0073 Wrote:  Have you ever thought about us being together?

I think thats way too soft and will 99% get a "dont be silly" response.
I needs to be like any other women you may have just met yesterday.
Bold, confident, sweeping her off her feet after lots of flirting and eye contact.

"You know when some people just feel an incredibly strong connection?
Where you feel so close to that person that you want them in your life in every possible way.
You want to feel their energy, passion, sensuality like an electricity charge that feels exhilarating every time you meet. Every time you look in their eyes. Every time you touch (kino).
And every time you look into their eyes it feels like the rest of the world just disappears into insignificance.
There are only 2 people that exist.. me and you..."

Would that kinda thing have worked better?

(04-11-2012 9:46 AM)Pheroman Wrote:  I think thats way too soft and will 99% get a "dont be silly" response.
I needs to be like any other women you may have just met yesterday.
Bold, confident, sweeping her off her feet after lots of flirting and eye contact.

"You know when some people just feel an incredibly strong connection?
Where you feel so close to that person that you want them in your life in every possible way.
You want to feel their energy, passion, sensuality like an electricity charge that feels exhilarating every time you meet. Every time you look in their eyes. Every time you touch (kino).
And every time you look into their eyes it feels like the rest of the world just disappears into insignificance.
There are only 2 people that exist.. me and you..."

Would that kinda thing have worked better?

It's waaaay too strong for me language wise. I am just talking about a feeler kind of thing. But if you are trying to make a grand statement then yeah that would certainly do it.