(08-29-2012 9:26 AM)Shelly B Wrote:  See actually Wanghan - it's not always. Sex can and has at parts of my life been an every loving chore - or at worst - something I feared, dreaded and would rather have poked out an eye rather than do.

DarkLord - here's the best single tip I can give you - and it's missed again and again.

It's first and foremost for women - how they feel about their partner. We don't have to love you. We do have to *want* you. For women - you get in our heads *first* - everything else follows. Our brain is our single biggest sex organ. Get in our brain in a bad way - we would rather gouge out our eyes. Example - Ex. Mr. Shelly. I'd rather have it sewn shut for the rest of my life than submit to that again.

How you get in our head? Well that's up to the individual woman...you have to figure that out by her personality, likes/dislikes, etc - and it changes at different points in a relationship.

Getting a call early in a relationship telling me I'm the sexiest thing going and you can't wait to get me into bed tonight and then describe whatever bad thing you have planned will have me spending the rest of the day extrapolating - and trust me - my brain is creative - and you? You have hours of an excessively fun evening ahead - courtesy of one 5 minute phone call.

Later in a relationship - simply calling for no reason to say you love me? And something mushy that would only make sense if you were in the relationship? Yeah - there's a cookie for that - again - well worth the 5 minute investment of time.

My point is - get in our heads. Figure out a way to knock out work, kids, bills, life - for 5 minutes. Push out all the other stuff that crowds out who we really are underneath our chores and the mountain of things women get heaped with - remind us we are women first - dead sexy and you want us.

Take the five minutes. In whatever way your woman is going to hear it. Do that. Do it once a week and your life get's a lot better. Do it twice a week and you are about to find yourself in a million times better relationship overall. Invest that little bit of time and that time is going to come back to you tenfold.

But don't be surprised at first if she is a little shocked if you haven't done it before. She may be "WTF is this?" Don't give up. Keep doing it. Keep doing it until she trusts that you *mean* it. Because the fact she didn't trust that you meant it? You need to go examine why that is. You have bigger issues in your relationship than you thought. And you best decide if you are going to fix them. There is fixing to do my friend. Either fix or brace yourself. Because she is doing the long slow withdraw to the door - and you have missed the signs.

Like I said - get in our head. It's our biggest sex organ. You won't regret it. And failing to do it costs you both.

Shelly,

I agree with you on the mental. Thanks for the detailed tip. My only point is that after we leave the mental and enter the realm of the physical...a forum that focuses on pleasure or some type of platform might be a nice idea for women to explore ways to enhance (or teach their partners) their own experience. It's all about enhancing experiences, right? Mental, physical, and verbal...

DL1