(04-21-2020 9:10 AM)Q873 Wrote: Guys , I wanted to have a talk , just something’s been bothering me n I’m not quite sure how to get around it , I’m 29 , not young Brad Pitt looking but certainly above average looking , in great shape , gym 5 times a week , dress high status , super confident , But compared to alott of guys I’ve had a lack of relationships , like I see so many guys saying oh Ive banged 100s of women , yet I ain’t had that much experience , I mean I was married for a number of years from 20 to 27 & during that time never pursued women so I guess that would be a given , one time I was chatting up this women , she was like a model type & she goes I’m in a relationship but I can tell youv got a couple of women on the side , see my dilemma?
Hiya Q! (don’t know whether to lead with a bad Star Trek pun, or a James Bond one)
I might be reading far too much into this, but I think you don’t really have an issue aside from being a bit out of practice, externalizing self-value, and not having your social skills honed and aligned with that magnificent enigmatic wonder that is womankind. All you need to do, in my opinion, is to adjust a few very minor things to get yourself on your way.
First off, unless you are solely out to get more notches on your bed post, who cares how many wenches other guys have bedded? To be honest, getting lots of women to sleep with you doesn’t require any skill, suaveness, style, looks, or even social awareness; it is strictly a numbers game of approaching each and every woman that strikes your fancy and asking her if she wants to fuck.
My point is that your self-value cannot be a function of how it compares to others. On the whole, quality ladies aren’t concerned with how many times you’ve danced before; they are concerned with how well you dance. The guys that have the most, and most consistent, success with ladies are not concerned with the quantity of women (and are typically amused at those that are) they are meeting, but the quality.
It is good that you are young, in great shape, and dress to the nine’s. Be very aware, though, that while these things help to catch a woman’s interest; they are not really important factors in getting women in the first place. Far too many guys have convinced themselves (and others) that women require all of these things; this is simply not true. Women
desire these things but they
require somebody that makes them feel like dancing.
Think of it this way; if you met a woman that looked awesome, dressed excellently, and was in great shape but she bored the hell out of you and just didn’t do it for you on any level; how long would you stick around after you orgasmed? Not very long, if at all. All of those things are merely icing on the cake, they are not the cake itself.
Yes, guys that are successful with ladies pay attention to their physical attributes; but they also work on always being their best true self internally. They enhance their positive traits and ability to bond with and connect with ladies because they know full and well while looks and the outer trappings of style and prestige will get one noticed; women ultimately will chase or reject any man on the basis of how he makes her feel.
(04-21-2020 9:10 AM)Q873 Wrote: …she was like a model type & she goes I’m in a relationship but I can tell youv got a couple of women on the side
THIS! Social awareness. With objective self-awareness comes justified self-value; with those comes the ability to both value and to be aware of the thoughts, feelings, and motivations of others. I’m sure that you’ve figured it out, otherwise you wouldn’t have mentioned it, but ladies speak with an almost imperceptible sub-surface meaning to everything (
this isn’t exactly accurate, but it suffices for the sake of discussion). When she said that to you, she was much more than likely hinting that yes, she’s involved in a relationship but she had no qualms with considering a tryst with you in that moment. She was hinting that she might be down for that if you are. All you needed to do was to walk through the door she just opened. You were asked, without being directly asked, if you'd like to dance.
A good starting point for being socially aware of her hidden implications in speech is to give a brief mental pause and ask yourself “what did she really mean by that?” If you’re uncertain, then put yourself into her mentality and position and think of what you would have meant; it is typically very close or entirely accurate if one is both understanding and empathetic towards others. Women divulge their thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, and expectations through multiple layers of speech with what is said, as well as what is not being said, all out there for those that can perceive it. (again, this isn't exactly accurate, but it can suffice for basic purposes)
I’m inclined to think that you really don’t have any issues other than self-doubt and being a bit rusty in your social wiles. I’d suggest that you not look externally for any sort of value and instead compare where you are against where you want to be, not where others happen to be. In other words, work for yourself towards your goals, not the accomplishments of others. Always be your best self and always give 100% to the moment, with a keen eye on your life goals. Not only will focusing on what’s best for you in life increase your justified sense of self-value and bring you success; but you will develop the traits and habits that are the foundational characteristics that women are drawn towards.
Dressing sharp is fine and dandy, but make certain that you dress in your own personalized style, one that outwardly reflects your inner self. Looking like a generic style magazine photoshoot is cool; but women want to see the real you, not the price tag on your Italian leather shoes. Anyone can copy another, but nobody truly wants an insincere imitation, we all want the genuine article.
After that, just concentrate on creating a fun, adventurous emotional connection with ladies you happen to meet. Do so fearlessly, with no particular goal in mind other than to see how deep you can make that bond as well as how sexually worked up you can get her
before you even consider making any sort of move. Most guys try and push her towards the bedroom with all their polished and practiced tricks. Sure, that works upon occasion (see the paragraph on just asking her to fuck); but stimulating her mind, wants, desires, and emotions through emotional connections all while raising her sexual temperature will have her dragging you into the bedroom.
My personal approach in this realm is that when I encounter a lady, I’m not concerned if she might be into me, might want sex, or how to go about it. I assume that I already know the spark is there, so no need to create it. I "work" (by work I mean having fun with) on fanning that spark into a flame and decide if she’s the one I want; I’m never concerned with whether or not she might (or might not) want me. Call me a self-centered egocentric douche, but this absolves me of any fears that I might not be good enough, handsome enough, or not whatever-enough for her.
As I see it, you don’t have any particular problems, you just need to stop holding yourself back and unleash the dogs of seduction. Our biggest hurdle in achieving success in life, and it applies to seduction at least doubly so, is that we allow our own self-doubt to be an excuse to not fulfill our goals and furthermore allow the success of others to prove our self-doubt was justified (or we end up lashing out at those that are successful to save our own self-image, but that's in no way an issue with you as I see it).
Hope that helps. Feel free to call me names...long-winded pickle sniffer and total LARPer seem to have gained some traction.
LACK of relationships & dating advice needed
Post
