(12-28-2012 8:50 AM)Yume Wrote:  @NuTrix I basically want to deal with the mood swings, I don't mind the bed section. I'm starting to lose my hopes regarding the relationship, to be honest...since I do realise that even those who try to seem westernised, tend to prefer Asian women eventually..which kills my enthusiasm and start forming grudges. I apologise if this sounds childish or silly, but I have been traumatised severely by the whole story (not just by this particular guy, but other Japanese too). I've been alright my whole life, personal and social relations were one of my strongest points and suddenly in a couple years I see myself going down the drain, because the Asians don't react or react in a very very lukewarm and spasmodic way.

You don't sound childish or silly, you just sound like you're sorting through your feelings and motives. You've got all your answers, you're just debating out loud how you will act on them

(12-28-2012 8:50 AM)Yume Wrote:  In short, I need my confidence back and I want to keep eyes on me.

For that specific guy, because he keeps going hot-cold and I don't find it very respectful, I want to keep the "hot" element going if possible and see what happens. If you think bonding is possible, I'd try that. Of course I can't be the same, because he's been very cruel to me, but I'm very interested in experimenting *am I mean?*

Not mean, per say, but you are looking for some kind of payback, lol. Is it your desire to have him desire you so that you can be the aloof one to cut him off? Give him a taste of his own medicine? These are all normal feelings and responses but if you follow the train of thought, will the outcome really be as satisfactory as you hope or will you have just wasted your valuable time and person on someone who isn't worthy of you? You already know he's the one with issues, you've said as much. Why waste one more moment on someone you have begun to resent - yuck!

(12-28-2012 8:50 AM)Yume Wrote:  Now, regarding business social gatherings and business parties,which I often go to,due to my work in Japan. They're all entertainment industry and media people -most of them Japanese-. I read a lot of reviews about Glace. Do you think I should prefer something more feminine, like the ones you suggested above? The reviews I read gave me the image of a must-have product, regardless of what else you're going to use.

Once again, I really appreciate your help, I see a whole new world unfolding before my eyes

Glace is good for all kinds of social gatherings but if those gatherings are mainly business then perhaps Corporativo from Alpha Dream would be a better choice? Business but friendly, professional but inviting? Love Potion Leather is a similar vibe but a bit more feminine where Corporative is more gender neutral.


Rooting for you and in your corner on the ring!

A more traditional Japanese guy would wonder if his family would approve of the relationship and whether the difference in culture will work out alright. If you really want the relationship to work, try to understand his view on relationships, and try to work out cultural differences.

Something I've noticed about most Japanese and Chinese I've met is they get offended when other people seem too blunt or too clever, or talk condescendingly or pedantically. The kind of discussions they like best are those where people keep contributing a little at a time to the dialogue as if they were partners in finding the answer to a question, indirectly leading to the answer by guiding the discourse together. I know that sounds strange, but being blunt about things could be perceived by Asians as 1. the thing was so urgent you had to be quick about it, or 2. you don't respect the person enough to let him reach his own conclusions, or 3. you are trying to one-up him.

I've often thought of most Asian cultures I've seen as a conspiracy of betas against alphas, where almost everyone is submissive to everyone else, and the misogyny is rather claustrophobic. If things don't work, don't blame yourself.

Hi Yume,
Welcome to the forum! Looks like we're stuck with the same predicament though in a slightly different situation.

Anyways, I'll just share my tidbits which I hope could help you out. Regarding Japanese in general, the key point is not being blunt or not being outgoing but understanding a key cultural point prevalent in many Asian cultures, predominantly in East Asian countries, namely "saving face". So you can still be outgoing and even make sarcastic jokes, but if there is any instance where you cause the other person to "lose face" you'll be considered as an extremely boorish person regardless of how attractive you physically are. So basically in certain social situations you simply need to provide an "exit" for the other person to gracefully save his face.

Second, regarding the hot/cold thing - note that most Asians are very family oriented, so there might be a lot of external influences regarding the relationship that might be hidden. Not sure about your particular case but there might be pressure from the guy's parents to have non western girl as life partner. The key is to get accepted by the family (the parents first especially and if the guy really likes you there's nothing that's going to switch the hot switch off when you shut down the cold steams).

Last but not least bit, most of the Pheromones available are mainly tested and reported on European/NA territories so YMMV - I'd suggest experimentation if you have the means, but don't get disheartened if one product that has good reports actually work awful or headache inducing for Asians (I have lots of those cases).

One more thing, which part of Europe are you from?

Sweet dreams!

Hello Yume and welcome!

Youve gotten great advice from other members here and to echo what others have already stated. From my experience; a lot of the more traditional type of asian males don't look towards bold and outgoing females for long term relationships...even ones in the U.S that are more in tune with their culture seem to be drawn more towards women who are more demure when pursuing a serious relationship, at least initially. I have a chinese cousin that says he will never marry a chinese woman because once the ring is on, the bossing around and yelling begins. Obviously, not all asian males have this preference, I've also come across a few that like women who have a confident outward appearance.

I would avoid dominant blends or blends with an overtly sexual nature.

Cuddlebunny, Perfect Match and Heart & Soul are great phero blends that I've had success with asian men. I haven't tried La Femme Mystere or La Femme Noire but the descriptions seem like something asian males will like.

Honestly, pheromones will draw some attention but the rest of it is up to you. From what you've said, I've gathered that you do not have difficulty attracting asian males, but it's getting them to be serious about you is the problem. I'm not sure pheromones can help much in that department.

But if you're determined to give it a try I'd probably opt for Perfect Match or even Gotcha! from Love potion. I believe these blends have the intent of fostering serious relationships.

Mark thank you very much for your honesty and personal story, I'd rather hear real opinions than sugar-coated ones.

(12-28-2012 10:14 AM)mark-in-dallas Wrote:  I realize that we can't help who we are attracted to, but we can change who we pursue.

This one echoed inside my head. It never occurred to me until now, but you're absolutely right. It's a difficult task, but worth following for the sake of one's sanity.

(12-28-2012 10:14 AM)mark-in-dallas Wrote:  The stove is on and the burner is red hot! It's your move.

I decided to calm down, let it slide and see where it goes. Although I usually am fairly balanced, I get paranoid fits in Japan, exactly because of those unbridgeable culture gaps. I will also focus better on who I shall pursue from now on.

Thanks a lot!

(12-28-2012 11:23 AM)missjelly Wrote:  what type of asian guys are you attracted to? the more westernized ones or the more..um..asian ones?
its a huge difference

---

I go for the westernised types, since I cannot really find much in common with the intensely Asian ones. I guess the best option, after all, would be to find someone who already lives in Europe, hahah~~

(12-30-2012 6:48 PM)Yume Wrote:  Mark thank you very much for your honesty and personal story, I'd rather hear real opinions than sugar-coated ones.


This one echoed inside my head. It never occurred to me until now, but you're absolutely right. It's a difficult task, but worth following for the sake of one's sanity.

You are very welcome, and I'm glad I could find something to say that resonated with you.

I've always wanted and offered nothing less than honest opinions, cause I long ago learned that once the sugarcoating wears off what lay beneath may not be nearly as pleasant.

The good news is that it's usually not all that hard to find someone that we find some sort of attraction too, and replacing unhealthy behavior patterns is less daunting than it may seem.

(12-28-2012 12:53 PM)NuTrix Wrote:  Not mean, per say, but you are looking for some kind of payback

True This way I can somehow regain my balance. No great outcome, as you said, but it's a sigh of relief in a way. I'm not the avenging type, but this particular story hurt too much.

(12-28-2012 12:53 PM)NuTrix Wrote:  Rooting for you and in your corner on the ring!

You're very sweet and helpful, I feel that positive energy

(12-30-2012 7:12 PM)Yume Wrote:  True This way I can somehow regain my balance. No great outcome, as you said, but it's a sigh of relief in a way. I'm not the avenging type, but this particular story hurt too much.

The satisfaction from getting revenge or payback is sweet for a day or 2, but almost always regretted later.

The greatest satisfaction comes in being the better person and letting things go, and allowing the other party to eventually come to the realization that they screwed up and lost something truly worth having.

I've said this time and time again, but Karma is real and either your best friend or wickedest enemy. Do you want what you put out coming back at you or to you?

Revenge only causes reenforcement in the other person and greater satisfaction and justification in how and why they did you wrong.

This coming from a Scorpio, who used to fit my sign to a tee and be the biggest nightmare to anyone that pushed my buttons for to long or to many times. I've done my best to let go of the bad traits though, and cling dearly to those that really matter.

I know you're hurt and somewhat scarred, but but believe it or not those scars are better opportunites for learning and growing than any formal education you could ever receive, and down the road you'll look at each of them and appreciate how much they had to do with making you who you are.

(12-30-2012 12:13 AM)veramis Wrote:  Something I've noticed about most Japanese and Chinese I've met is they get offended when other people seem too blunt or too clever, or talk condescendingly or pedantically. The kind of discussions they like best are those where people keep contributing a little at a time to the dialogue as if they were partners in finding the answer to a question

Wow, you seem to have a long experience with Asian people!
This made me laugh, because I usually am very blunt, they see me as very clever, because of my education and I have the habit of talking pedantically, always with good intention though, hahah T_T

(12-30-2012 12:13 AM)veramis Wrote:  I've often thought of most Asian cultures I've seen as a conspiracy of betas against alphas, where almost everyone is submissive to everyone else, and the misogyny is rather claustrophobic. If things don't work, don't blame yourself.

Now this is a quote I should put in a frame or something
It's so to the point it hurts and I do feel the same way.
I used to blame myself for a couple years, but recently I understood...

(12-30-2012 3:20 AM)ppHamelin Wrote:  the key point is not being blunt or not being outgoing but understanding a key cultural point prevalent in many Asian cultures, predominantly in East Asian countries, namely "saving face".

Although I'm not exactly familiar with this custom, I'll look it up and read about it. I understand what you're trying to say, though. Very interesting point and also what you mentioned about the external and family influences.

(12-30-2012 3:20 AM)ppHamelin Wrote:  Last but not least bit, most of the Pheromones available are mainly tested and reported on European/NA territories so YMMV - I'd suggest experimentation

I'll experiment, yes. It's something I love to do on many levels in every situation, hehe~ I could also report the results if the forum members are interested, since there is not much information on the subject.

By the way, since you asked, I'm from southern Europe, where the sun is shining and everybody's crazy and loud