My SO leaves hers right out in the open- I do the same. I've even given them too her a a gift.

(07-19-2012 7:28 AM)ink_spider Wrote:  My doctor doesn't want me letting my SO know that I am using cops. It's a test to see if this is the cause of my relationship issues (lack of desire for me from my SO) or if it's something psychological. My SO loves me so much, but he has confessed to not "feeling desire for me." I am also 35 and on birth control (have been for 18 years), so my doctor says I may not be producing any cops of my own.

Therefore, using mones (cops) is a way for me to see if I can get my SO to desire me physically. It's working so far (with Essence of Woman ). The Edge did not work on first try.

So, I need to keep mine a secret until the trial run is over (giving it 3 months). Then, I will tell him and we will see what happens.

May I ask why you even want to tell him ? I have no intention of telling my BF I'm using them at all. My situation is a bit different and sexual attraction was never the problem , but my use of certain products has noticeably softened and warmed our relationship by maybe making 2 slightly defensive personalities open up more .In the end its still him and me and feelings and attractions and I look at the mones more as keys that can help open doors .Explaining to my SO the chemical process involved kind of takes the magic out of it and is in my opinion not necessary or productive. Of course it's just my humble opinion

(07-20-2012 7:46 PM)fluffygirl12 Wrote:  May I ask why you even want to tell him ? I have no intention of telling my BF I'm using them at all. My situation is a bit different and sexual attraction was never the problem , but my use of certain products has noticeably softened and warmed our relationship by maybe making 2 slightly defensive personalities open up more .In the end its still him and me and feelings and attractions and I look at the mones more as keys that can help open doors .Explaining to my SO the chemical process involved kind of takes the magic out of it and is in my opinion not necessary or productive. Of course it's just my humble opinion

I just can't imagine any secrets between us... ever. So, it's hard to keep this a secret. I wouldn't want him to find out one day and be upset and doubt what we have. I want him to understand the science and the process, but I want to make sure that it works first. So, I do plan on sharing with him. I feel that he's smart enough to trust science and trust that we are still as strong as ever and nothing is fake... people take replacement hormones when they are older... how is this any different, really? Right? So, I just want to make sure that this works and we rule out any other issue along the way before I share what I'm up to.

(07-21-2012 9:49 AM)ink_spider Wrote:  I wouldn't want him to find out one day and be upset and doubt what we have.

I feel that he's smart enough to trust science and trust that we are still as strong as ever and nothing is fake... people take replacement hormones when they are older... how is this any different, really? Right? So, I just want to make sure that this works and we rule out any other issue along the way before I share what I'm up to.

Ink,

I thought *long and hard* before I decided to reply. I'm only playing devils advocate because you have mentioned repeatedly in previous posts that your "My SO loves me so much, but he has confessed to not "feeling desire for me." "

Here's the other way to lens this - you can opt to on-board it - or not. I'm suggesting it - because having used cops since 2008 - and having learned it at Love Potion - where literally countless women have cut their teeth using them - because that is easily the most female-centered Phero vendor - there are other - less positive reactions to cops usage than the one you are anticipating.

The stories of them are both on the boards - buried in threads that are not listed anything obvious like "bad reaction to Cops" - but in something like what are you wearing today where someone vented it in passing and it's buried by thousands of posts...or it was shared in a private journal not available to the general public...or shared in private emails between people who became friends. And some of them are in the regular threads. You just have to look to find them.

Some men - upon discovering it - feel manipulated. That if they didn't feel desire for a woman without them - the usage of them to bring on a feeling of desire - is raw "cheating" - they do not see it as being like replacement hormones. In fact - it creates the exact doubt in that woman and a lack of faith in the validity of their feelings for her. And sometimes that male ends up deciding to find a woman he is "naturally" attracted to.

This is not by any means universal. Quite a number of men are flattered - and view Cops as not terribly dissimilar to a woman applying lipstick or makeup before a date - just another way that their woman is trying to be more desirable for them.

But that isn't always the case. And in situations where the relationship has been rocky - it's a risk you may wish to think about before sharing.

You know him best.

My take is is shouldn't feel cheated if he knows about them going in. I am out of the closet with n o problems with my boyfriend. I think it totally depends on the relationship and if it's already well established before trying Pheromones shouldn't be an issue. I do agree with the point that has been made by as3 i think that eventually if they work for the woman he may want to try them for himself. that's a tricky one.

(07-22-2012 2:25 PM)halo0073 Wrote:  My take is is shouldn't feel cheated if he knows about them going in. I am out of the closet with n o problems with my boyfriend. I think it totally depends on the relationship and if it's already well established before trying Pheromones shouldn't be an issue. I do agree with the point that has been made by as3 i think that eventually if they work for the woman he may want to try them for himself. that's a tricky one.

Fair enough - I'm personally in the "it's like lipstick and you should be flattered she wants you to want her like crazy" crowd - but then - if I wasn't - my dresser top wouldn't look like what it does...

But *not* everyone feels that way. And you and I both know that. How many times has that story played out...

And yes - as both you and As3 have pointed out - he may want to try them for himself - and if the relationship isn't rock solid at that point - his using can create it's own set of issues. No question - that's story has played and played before too...

Why does the scorpion sting the frog?

(07-22-2012 2:55 PM)as33156 Wrote:  Why does the scorpion sting the frog?

I agree As3. It's my final word on the topic. It's why I almost didn't bother to reply. If you had any idea how many times I started and stopped typing that reply. It's like watching the train coming...AGAIN.

Ultimately, I felt compelled to at least make one final attempt. I tried.

Even if Ink elects to pass on what several people have attempted to suggest to her - it's possible that another noob will come across this thread later - read the comments here - and use these years of experience of everyone who has responded to Ink - and they will integrate that experience differently based on their own situation.

But yes - it is one very, very dead horse. And I wash my hands of the subject.

(07-22-2012 1:41 PM)Shelly B Wrote:  Ink,

I thought *long and hard* before I decided to reply. I'm only playing devils advocate because you have mentioned repeatedly in previous posts that your "My SO loves me so much, but he has confessed to not "feeling desire for me." "

Here's the other way to lens this - you can opt to on-board it - or not. I'm suggesting it - because having used cops since 2008 - and having learned it at Love Potion - where literally countless women have cut their teeth using them - because that is easily the most female-centered Phero vendor - there are other - less positive reactions to cops usage than the one you are anticipating.

The stories of them are both on the boards - buried in threads that are not listed anything obvious like "bad reaction to Cops" - but in something like what are you wearing today where someone vented it in passing and it's buried by thousands of posts...or it was shared in a private journal not available to the general public...or shared in private emails between people who became friends. And some of them are in the regular threads. You just have to look to find them.

Some men - upon discovering it - feel manipulated. That if they didn't feel desire for a woman without them - the usage of them to bring on a feeling of desire - is raw "cheating" - they do not see it as being like replacement hormones. In fact - it creates the exact doubt in that woman and a lack of faith in the validity of their feelings for her. And sometimes that male ends up deciding to find a woman he is "naturally" attracted to.

This is not by any means universal. Quite a number of men are flattered - and view Cops as not terribly dissimilar to a woman applying lipstick or makeup before a date - just another way that their woman is trying to be more desirable for them.

But that isn't always the case. And in situations where the relationship has been rocky - it's a risk you may wish to think about before sharing.

You know him best.

I just feel like keeping secrets is no way to have a real relationship, ya know? It's hard because I don't want him to feel this is "fake," but he already knows that I do not produce cops (due to being on birth control for 17 years). He knows I've seen my doctor to discuss a plan. I just haven't told him what the plan is yet.

I figure I'd do a few more trials and then let him know that I've been "prescribed" cops to supplement... like vitamins or hormone replacement therapy (that older people use once they have menopause).

I think he'll totally get it and be okay with it. I just want to see if they really work on him first.

I am truly conflicted because I trust you, as you have experience. I just truly can't imagine having any secrets from my boyfriend of 3 years. If things work out, we may get married eventually... and he'd be my husband. Having secrets from my husband sounds horrible to me. Could I live with myself?

I am not trying to be unappreciative or ungrateful. I am just in a moral dilemma. Ya know what I mean?

My BF is amazing. He is loving and friendly and appreciative. He has a problem with alcohol and he's working on it. He keeps me 100% updated and in the loop so that I can help him. He trusts me 100%, and I do the same. Having secrets is something we decided, at the beginning, never to do. We want 100% TRUST in our relationship. So, that's why I am concerned about this.

Trust me, I want this to work and I do not want him to feel manipulated. I don't think he will though. He said he likes when I go out of my way to get sexy for him. So, this is just a higher-end version of getting gussied up, right? I don't hide my lipstick or lingerie. In fact, he often likes to pick out which one I wear. So, maybe he'll eventually start buying me mones. Haha.

I don't think he'll have any interest in using them himself. He doesn't like to wear colognes or sprays. I've offered to buy him cologne before, but he's so uninterested, but he does like when I smell nice. He always smells nice on his own. He uses Irish Spring soap and Degee deodorant. He smells clean and great always!

Anyhow, I'll keep thinking about this and I'll keep you all updated with results and decisions. I do want other newbies to learn from my experiences... good and bad.