Disclaimer: Since no 'mones were involved I figured this isn't journal material.

Bad News: I fail at online dating game !But that doesn't mean I'm not working on it

Alright, so I was talking with a girl online and she was pretty cool. She doesn't like serious conversation, so we basically joked about everything under the sun and didn't have any serious conversation the first day, today we picked up where we left off.

Yesterday and today, I mentioned silly reasons we should meet up, or jokingly mentioned things that were in the way of our meeting up.

Some of the things I did to get the point across that I wanted to meet, without sounding like an average frustrated chump (Note: These aren't all spit out in the same time or in this order, except the comment with her replies):
Me: "I'll show you sometime"
Me: "Too bad you live so far away"
Her: Why? if I lived closer you'd fall for my feminine charms?
Me: "No, gas is crazy expensive and I can't fly for shit"
Her: LOL omjeeze, charmer much?
Me: "I'm not going to tell you THAT online"
Me: "I can show you, it's easy, but it's a hands on thing I can't explain"
She pretty much ignores all of my indirect game hinting that I want to meet. She just responds about something else in the message, not the part about meeting...

All the sudden she brings up a movie and mentions she gave her first hand job during that movie.

Green light !

So for about 40 minutes we talk pretty heavy sexual stuff, going over positions, things we like, things we hate, bad experiences, all kinds of dumb shit. She goes into detail about how she gives head after I tell her about a girl that felt like a cheese grader (no teeth, kthnx), and I go into detail about how I give oral. She tells me she's never had a guy do what I do (I'm pro at Oral ) So I tell her "Maybe I'll show you sometime", last line in a heavy sexual message. Until the "Maybe I'll show you", it was all just sexual banter, and had little to do with 'us' doing anything of the sort directly.

Either way. Contact stopped completely, she was online for probably 20 minutes after that message and I haven't seen her on since.

Online Guru's, show me where I failed, or what I could have done better?

I suggest playing it slower. She obviously is an online 'playa'. She is there for laughs. The online game that i have experienced is so different from real life. These ladies use this as their 'social time'. Now many are very interested in truly meeting someone, yet MANY are crazy,as well. Play it cool, 'Alpha'. Do not show too much interest, and make these ladies do most of the chatting. Do not immediately respond, it makes you look needy. Many ladies think that all men online are 'loser pigs'.Most of the guys that they encounter want the dirty chat.

Be cool and let them come to you.

P.S. Online can indirectly help you with your game. Sure your nerves will still be there at first encounter, yet you have broken the ice, a bit. I have been online with local girls as well as Latin American ladies. Many similarities yet, also many drastic differences. If you have a genuine interest in using this a possible method to meet a lady, go for it. Through the bull shit you will develop a tougher skin. Learn from it. If you get bitter, take a break. There are definitely some genuine ladies out there who do not enjoy the bar scene.

(03-09-2012 5:51 PM)CanadianGuy45 Wrote:  I suggest playing it slower. She obviously is an online 'playa'. She is there for laughs. The online game that i have experienced is so different from real life. These ladies use this as their 'social time'. Now many are very interested in truly meeting someone, yet MANY are crazy,as well. Play it cool, 'Alpha'. Do not show too much interest, and make these ladies do most of the chatting. Do not immediately respond, it makes you look needy. Many ladies think that all men online are 'loser pigs'.Most of the guys that they encounter want the dirty chat.

Be cool and let them come to you.

P.S. Online can indirectly help you with your game. Sure your nerves will still be there at first encounter, yet you have broken the ice, a bit. I have been online with local girls as well as Latin American ladies. Many similarities yet, also many drastic differences. If you have a genuine interest in using this a possible method to meet a lady, go for it. Through the bull shit you will develop a tougher skin. Learn from it. If you get bitter, take a break. There are definitely some genuine ladies out there who do not enjoy the bar scene.

Good stuff here. But yea, to the OP: way too up front, man. You gotta be smooth about it just like in real life. The banter is the same in person as it is online. Just because there is a sense of separation because of the computer, it doesn't mean that you can have a looser lip. Remember the old saying from WWII: Loose lips, sink ships. Don't sink your ship bro.

Thanks for the help guys!

I'm a probably too upfront, I'm the joker/asshole personality that pushes jokes almost too far and gives women a hard time. It's always worked well for me in the past in person, but I can't seem to transition my personality type into online dating very well without coming off as too upfront or fake.

I'm probably too aggressive in general, I'll tone it down and see what comes of it.

Edit: Can't rep anymore today, apparently ! Sorry Photogeek !

Yea yea yea, a likely excuse Na, it's okay. I've had a fair amount experience with online dating and it has its pitfalls as well. But I've always found that subtle and smooth works best. Remember that women don't usually switch on like guys so you gotta be more patient. I suppose in person at a club, you could be talking to a girl and she could be the type that all you have to ask is if she's dtf. Ask a woman that online and yea, she'll probably stop talking to you. I guess the same rules for real life dating apply to online dating, it's just that a lot of people, like I said, get a confidence boost by not having to speak directly to them in person.

(03-09-2012 10:07 PM)photogeek Wrote:  Yea yea yea, a likely excuse Na, it's okay. I've had a fair amount experience with online dating and it has its pitfalls as well. But I've always found that subtle and smooth works best. Remember that women don't usually switch on like guys so you gotta be more patient. I suppose in person at a club, you could be talking to a girl and she could be the type that all you have to ask is if she's dtf. Ask a woman that online and yea, she'll probably stop talking to you. I guess the same rules for real life dating apply to online dating, it's just that a lot of people, like I said, get a confidence boost by not having to speak directly to them in person.

Yeah, I get what you're saying. I didn't exactly ask if she was dtf, but once she brought up sex, I decided I could try and escalate quickly and see what comes of it -- Didn't work out so well !

(03-09-2012 10:13 PM)Gojira Wrote:  Yeah, I get what you're saying. I didn't exactly ask if she was dtf, but once she brought up sex, I decided I could try and escalate quickly and see what comes of it -- Didn't work out so well !

She was shit-testing you. Like photogeek suggested, you are better off playing it cool and nonchalant. If you do wish to meet this woman do not try to sell yourself too much. keep the conversation going, yet stay mysterious. Remain Alpha, confident and cool. Make the lady chase you.

If a woman goes that far with you online, it's very unusual that she would like to meet you. Because by meeting you she knows she would appear as a total slut craving for sex, and it's not how women would like to appear.
They are not hard wired like us

Better not to talk about sex, so you would not be assimilated to the 99% of guys who are fantasizing and masturbating online, because they gave up meeting someone in real life.

Yep. CG45 is right. That's a usual shit-test. Most of the time when you go direct online, you'll either get a freeze or some other kind of shit-test.
So you can wait a few days(2-3) and get back with some kind of fun DHV-story "You can't believe what happened to me yesterday...". Though your chances probably aren't the best.

How to avoid this? Well, you can be less direct. I've tried direct lately and the girl threw shit-tests at me. I passed those and she told me that she would find it weird to arrange a meet-up for sex online.

So while it's probably possible to get very sexual online and just meet up for sex, (Especially on sex-dating sites) you're probably better off just building enough comfort and attraction for a meetup, without getting directly sexual. (Like you said, the turning point was when your sex discussion shifted to the 'us'). Probably it's possible to get directly sexual online, with some very smooth word-escalation. Idk.

Most men online are there to be pigs and to get a peep-show. I have discovered this by chatting with Canadian ladies as well as the Latin American Honeys. You must distinguish yourself from these 'pigs'. Also, bear in mind that if you have a lady talking very dirty to you very quickly, outside of the possibility of her playing you, why is she so needy? Beware, you could get yourself into a big problem. Plenty of nut jobs out there. Online is too easy. Be patient and take your time. Do not make yourself look needy, or become a target. Whether online or in person you must always remain cool, yet keep your wits about you and stay aware. Online is a very nice alternative to the bar scene, yet it is very easy for someone to hide behind their computer and be portrayed how ever they choose.